Studying Speculative Fiction: Part 1 - A Dream Reborn to A Stubborn Dreamer

 As a teenager, I had a dream of becoming a novelist. I grew up thinking that it was impossible, so when I got published in my early 20s, I thought I had come the closest I could in accomplishing my dream. I let myself got scared by the posts I read in the writers' forum; how mainstream publishers plagiarized the drafts submitted by hopeful writers, so I didn't even try to submit any. In hindsight, as true as that was, it was also a mask for my fear of rejection. I convinced myself that I was content with what I had done in the short years, and I lived with that truth for a decade, which is longer than I was a writer. But when I decided to really try having a career in the creative industries, my teenage dream resurfaced, knocking from inside the glass walls in my head loud enough for me to pay attention. As I took a closer look at the dream that I thought was dead, I saw some signs of positive growth over the decade of pickling in the brine of my maturing mind. Now that it's been reborn, I need to raise it.

I do have some ideas on what my first novel would be, but after not writing anything creative in such a long time, I need to go back to school — sort of. I did learn the basics of literary fiction for my bachelor's degree, and even though I had written several works in the fantasy subgenre before, I still need an extensive volume of additional resources to back up and fill the gaps in my knowledge. For starter, I took an introductory course to writing science fiction and fantasy (also called speculative fiction), with an emphasis on worldbuilding where I got to learn how to establish fictional worlds for my stories and characters to live in. I had the honor to learn from Andrea Chapela, a brilliant Mexican writer.

Introducing my teacher, Andrea Chapela.

Unlike the very practical nature of the digital illustration course that I had taken before, this one was more theoretical. Even with the practice activities, it still felt like being in a lecture hall — listening to the presentation given by my classmate on her final project. As interesting as she was, I have to admit that I was a bit bored at some point. I think the root of the boredom came from having already known some of the things she explained. That's where I began losing my focus, and it led me into neglecting other things that came after.

I even skipped all of the activities including the final project — which was to come up with a short story — simply because I didn't feel like doing them. I thought they were boring and wasting time. My mind was very much preoccupied by the idea of how the course would help me write my first novel, so I was getting impatient to get to the parts that I wanted. And in getting to what I wanted, I lost a lot of what I needed. I ended up having an unsatisfied feeling inside of me that wasn't being fulfilled by the course. Thankfully, the teacher gave a list of additional resources for the students to refer to and explore further from.

When I was doing my external study, I got overwhelmed by the number of things that I realized I needed to learn more. Once again, I felt that my dream of writing a novel withering back into a lifeless carcass — until I remembered that I haven't even attempted any of the activities suggested in the course. At that moment, I still wasn't convinced that completing the activities would guarantee getting my confidence back, but I reminded myself that I shouldn't say "no" to something that I haven't tried, given that being satisfied with the experience of trying outweighed being drowned in my own fear and doubts. Besides, being open to full learning experiences has become a theme for me and this blog.

So, I decided to give the course another go, this time with more care and accountability. I might even take out my old textbooks as additional references, relighting the dusty bulbs and reconnecting my memory circuit. And for the final project, I think I'm following my teacher's method of exploring the incomplete worlds and stories from our old writing. Sounds like a good start to me. With that being said, I'm keeping Chapela's advice in mind, which is to watch my intake of learning new techniques so that it doesn't pull my focus away from doing what actually matters — writing a story. I think this is a very important advice especially for those who have the tendency to hyperfocus or strive for perfectionism.

Off to finish some homework and do my final project, O.

Bonus content:

A Stanza for Stubborn Souls

When you think of saying no,
make sure it doesn't come from your ego.
You might do better following the flow,
as long as you're careful as to where you go.